The "Why" behind "FLY"
I think at some point we all think about what it would be like to fly. I’ve been asked before, “If you could have any super power what would it be?” Typically I’ve answered, “To fly!”
When I was in college, I desperately wanted to “fly away”. In a time when depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, and suicidal thoughts consumed me, flying sounded like a great escape. I visualized myself flying away and being free. Freedom from the consumption of a psychological illness that held me captive in my own body.
Eating disorders have the highest morality rate of any mental illness. (Smink, F. E., van Hoeken, D., & Hoek, H. W. (2012)
I never sought help for my eating disorder because I felt suppressed by the system that built me up in that state. If I change & get better will they still like me? Will I still run fast? Will I be removed from the only environment I’ve known in college? I was in denial which forced & tricked me to be silent and to lie to those that loved me.
Let me clear up a stereotype that seems to be out there: Eating disorders are NOT a choice. I desperately wanted “out”. Eating disorders also thrive in secrecy.
I think I’ve found hope along the journey of recovery through my faith. Tattoos are a part of me and they are a part of my journey of healing. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says: Isaiah 40:31 “For those who hope in the Lord, He will renew their strength. They will soar on wings of eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Flying. I also have two doves & a sparrow.
In the bible, sparrows are symbols of freedom, especially as pertains to the freedom of the soul to choose between good and evil. The dove represents peace, renewal and the presence of the Holy Spirit.
I didn’t fully realize until 2015 that I can find freedom with my speech and sharing my story. I haven’t felt peace until that moment. You gain momentum once you start sharing and the Lord has given me courage along the way. The chains have been broken.